It's been awhile since I've posted anything new and I guess that's because I haven't had any new parties or ideas to post about. I became distracted at the beginning of the year trying to keep up with some school work and a couple small jobs. I'm happy to report that I received an A in my Kinesiology
class, I finished my Healthy Kids Assembly tour and I was nominated for an Elly by the Sacramento Area Regional Theatre Alliance for my choreography in a high school version of Hairspray. I had a busy year, considering I'm still a regular ol' stay at home mom.
I finally decided to post something new, because I'm finally compelled to write something new. As I've stated before, when I transitioned from a mom who worked outside of the house to a mom who worked only at home, I lost who I was. I struggled with some depression, loneliness, and feelings of inadequacy. I have a beautiful family and for that I am truly blessed, but I couldn't shake the feelings of doom and gloom - you know, that dark cloud that hovers over you all of the time? The cloud was raining on me too often, and I wanted so desperately to escape it. It wasn't necessarily that I didn't know how to escape it, but I wasn't allowing myself to open up the umbrella and block the downpour. I guess I felt safe in the dark. New things scare me when I try to do them all alone. I knew what had to be done, but I wanted a helping hand and that's just what I got with a couple friends and Beachbody.
Last year, I was eating clean and trying crazy concoctions like turkey crust pizza, because a friend was eating clean and working out. I was following her, but I wasn't incorporating the workouts since I taught dance for a living. When we moved, I quit my job, and my mom got sick, I lost all of the clean eating momentum and switched back to my old ways. I survived on Dr. Pepper and pretzels - and I'm not kidding. Now that I look back on some pictures of myself, I can't believe the person that I was becoming. I knew that I felt down and out, but I didn't realize how much weight I had gained along with all of the self doubt. Taking a class emphasized on treating my body appropriately and performing in an elementary school show focused on healthy habits, while guzzling soda and processed foods to keep my energy up was just counterintuitive. It was time to make a change.
A friend was offering a free clean eating group challenge on Facebook, and I figured that if I could keep accountable with other people - strangers - then I could start on my journey. I feared making the change alone, but knew that this group would be the hands that I needed to guide me out of the storm. I "liked" her status (I didn't even tell her that I wanted in because I was still so unsure) but little by little, I got the confidence I needed to fully commit to this one week challenge. I had made a pact that I would follow through with this "clean eating thing" for ONE week, and evaluate how I felt when the week was over.
Before the end of the week, I had already committed to another challenge with another friend. The new challenge involved the workout program The 21 Day Fix and drinking Shakeology, and would be longer than just a week. I was addicted to the workout highs I had been feeling, and for the first time in a long time, a rainbow started to peek out from behind the clouds. I was happier and I felt healthier.
I have been eating as clean as possible for four months now and I've been working out six days a week. My husband can see a change in my demeanor and I can feel a change physically and mentally. I started sharing my journey with others, and now I get to be the hands that help guide others to a healthier life. I can't believe how much the food we eat affects us. I want to be a better mom and wife. I have chosen to live and not hide. I am still not perfect (and I'll never be) but I have the confidence that I need to step away from the rain cloud. Let's just hope dear Mr. Hubs doesn't decide to move again anytime soon.
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